Saturday, September 8, 2012

Interpersonal Conflict : Money matter


A blazing hot afternoon,the sunshine danced randomly on mycup of coffee.I waited  impatiently at the corner of a cafeteria, constantly searching for his sight.Stream of people coming and going added noises of their conversations to my unstable mood. 3 pm, he came as promised in his sporty car. Well-built and tall, he was in his maroon burberry polo-shirt, wearing Guess cap and fashionable jean ripped at both knees, his eyes swept through the cafeteria. I raised my hand to signal. We exchanged greetings and he  ordered his drink. He asked about my study, I replied politely. We both felt into a moment of absurd silence. He started to initiate more topics…Without a word, I handed him a piece of paper; he glanced through and signed under Guardian section.At that moment, I knew for myself that we could no longer talked freely to each other as the way we did before any more.I felt as if there was an invisible wall separating us . Obviously, we were having a interpersonal conflict.

Money, when it matters, sometimes it hurts, no matter how close the relationship used to be. Several years ago when my little brother came to Singapore to study, he needed a guardian. Tan, a Singaporean  friend of my brother’s, offered his help. He did not accept any money even though we suggested him to do so. Tan started to borrow 4000 $ from us last year for a business project. Out of appreciation for what he did to my brother,my mother gave in despite it was a big amount of money to my family.Since then he has been promising to return them “next month”, but next month has never seemed to come yet. My brother started to bring up the sensitive money issue while they met for a drink. He started to talk about being a guardian to my little brother as an excuse .Gradually, it came to the point that my brother did not bother to meet up with Tan anymore. Tan , in the other hand,visited us sometimes to sign documents for my little brother as if nothing serious happened. Our disappointment grew into frustration and anger as time passed by.He has a well-paid full time job, with average income of 5000 SGD per month. It is definitely not so hard for him to return the amount of money that he borrowed.

 Frankly, I feel that while a relationship is sustainable when it is mutually beneficial for both parties, it is unethical to take advantage of it for money. Now, my question is how can I get my money back without causing so much damage to friendship with Tan?

4 comments:

  1. Hi Heather,
    Very interesting and descriptive post.

    On the first read, we could understand what you were trying to say, which is good. However, overall, we feel, that in the first paragraph, there was a lot of unnecessary flowery language. Punctuation wise, you might want to consider leaving a space after each full stop and commas.

    Word count is way over the limit of 250- 300 . We checked and it was 446 words. Thus, you might want to consider doing without the flowery language.

    From paragraph 1, it feels like we are reading a novel.
    danced randomly on mycup >>> danced randomly on my cup
    Stream >>> The stream
    3pm >>> not really necessary on top of not being correctly used

    we both felt >>> we both fell
    absurd >>> awkward
    we could no longer talked >>> we could no longer talk freely the way we used to
    any more >>> anymore

    Para 2

    Money, when it matters, sometimes it hurts, no matter how close the relationship used to be. >> > you might want to simplify this sentence.

    Here, the sentences are short and simple, which makes for a good read.

    Cheers,
    Kateřina and Hakeem

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Heather,
    That was a really interesting post. Here are some suggested changes that might improve this post in terms of language:


    danced randomly on mycup of coffee…>>>…danced randomly on my cup of coffee
    Stream of people coming and going added noises of their conversations to my unstable mood. >>> Consider revising the sentence. Instead of stream of people, maybe you could write hosts of people. The humming of their conversations disturbed me further.
    He asked about my study…>>>…He asked about my studies
    We both felt into…>>>…We both fell into
    .At that moment, I knew for myself that we could no longer talked freely to each other as the way we did before any more…>>>.At that moment, I knew that we could no longer talk freely to each other like before.
    Money, when it matters, sometimes it hurts, no matter how close the relationship used to be…>>>… This sentence is a bit unclear. Consider rephrasing it into several short and clearer sentences.
    He did not accept any money even though we suggested him to do so…>>>…He did not accept any money even though we offered him.
    In the other hand…>>>…on the other hand

    Cheers,
    Jestina, Hassan and Shuman

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Heather
    Thank you for an interesting conflict.
    I was a bit confused with the first and second paragraph do, didn't really get the connection between them.

    I think the solution to this could be that your family make up a plan how he can pay the debt. For example $500 per month. Since it is such a big amount of money I really think you need to solve this problem. It is hard to stay friends if you can't trust each other, and at this moment I guess you can't trust him anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, Heather, for sharing this scenario with us. Like Patrik, I had a hard time initially understanding who "he" was in the first paragraph. That became clearer as I read on, and I enjoyed your story-telling.

    You've focused on the age-old problem: money. I can empathize with your situation, and feel that tan is obviously taking advantage of your family's dependence on his own "guardianship." How unfortunate!

    Patrik provides a pragmatic solution, but I'm not sure how easy it will be for you to even bring up the debt he owes due the various cultural restraints.

    I'm interested to see how you solve this.

    Best of luck!

    ReplyDelete