I am applying for Admission Officer position at an Inernational School.
Here are the job requirements:
Successful applicants must be able to work in a fast paced environment,
have previous administrative experience and have an excellent command of the
English language.
Additional Requirements:
- Minimum Degree in any discipline
- Must have a minimum of 2 years experience in
an administrative role
- Must be fully proficient in using MS Word and
excel
- Experience using data management systems would
be highly regarded
- Must have excellent organisational skills and
meticulous attention to detail
- Must have excellent communication and
interpersonal skills
- Must be fluent in English
- Able to start working immediately
______________________________________________________________________________
The Canadian International School
7 Jurong West Street 41
Singapore 649414
Phone: +(65) 6467 1732
Fax: +(65) 6467 1729
7 Jurong West Street 41
Singapore 649414
Phone: +(65) 6467 1732
Fax: +(65) 6467 1729
Dear officer-in-charge,
I am writing to express my interest in the Admission Officer position listed on StraitTimes on 9thSeptember. I have just graduated from
National University of Singapore (NUS) with a Sociology degree and had one year
of full-time working experience at an international medical services department at
a local hospital. I have experiences in building large, consumer-focused
information seminars both in Singapore and overseas. While much of my
experience has been in the healthcare world, I understand the ultimate value of
the educational sector and believe that my previous work experience will be an
asset to your organization.
My responsibilities at the hospital included the daily administration
work, evaluation of international patients ‘profiles in order to refer them to
the right specialists and correspondences with international medical assistance
companies on medical insurance claims as well as repatriations. In addition, I
worked closely with health care professionals as well as health alliances to
ensure seamless communication between them and the patients. Those
above-mentioned experiences have taught me how to build strong relationships
within all departments of an organization. I have the ability to work in a team
and in a cross-team setting. Having been in the customer service line has also
shaped my interpersonal communication skills and cultural competency. I can
work well with people from different backgrounds and age groups.
As a student, I have been actively involved in volunteer and
extra-curriculum activities: I participated in a student project to improve the
quality of life for sex workers in Singapore and took care of the logistics for
International Student Club throughout my school years. Those experiences have
built up my empathy and organizing skills, which are part of the requirements
for this position.
Please find my resume attached herewith for your kind perusal. Should
you require any clarifications on my personal information, please feel free to
contact me though my email or mobile phone.
Once again, thank you very much for your consideration; and I am looking
forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely yours,
Heather Nguyen
Email: heathernguyen128@gmail.com
HP: +65 84800331
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteYour cover letter has improved a lot :) This cover letter is good because its first paragraph clearly states the purpose of this letter and the whole letter shows your key skills and great experiences, which are required.
However, it can still be improved. I suggest you to put your own address at the top of the letter, in case that the human resource department desires to contact via letter. Moreover, there are some language points you could consider.
1. both in Singapore and oversea. > both in Singapore and in overseas countries.
2. to ensure seamless communication between them and the patients > among them and the patients
3. Those above-mentioned experiences have taught me how to build strong relationships with all departments at an organization > in an organization
4. Having been in the customer service line has also shaped my interpersonal communication skills and cultural competency > Having been in the customer servise line, I have also shaped
5. As a student, I have been actively involved in volunteer and extra-curriculum activities > ... in valuntary work and ...
Last but not least, you should change the font color of the job description as its color is similar to the background and, hence, the color makes the description difficult for readers to read.
Good bye, future admission officer :)
Hi Jae,
ReplyDeleteThank you for having corrected my resume and CV earlier on so that I can improve on it. :)
Cheers
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteOverall, this is a well written cover letter. You were successfully in putting your points across. However, some improvements can be made.
Given you are a Vietnamese and English is not your first language, I think it might be wise to explicitly highlight your proficiency in English so as not to leave any doubts. Also, I do not really understand this sentence, "I have experiences in building large, consumer-focused information seminar both in Singapore and overseas". Did you mean you have experiences in organizing such seminar events? Lastly, I will personally prefer it if you mentioned which local hospital you worked in previously. Else it might give the impression that you have forgotten the name of the hospital.
Here are some grammatical errors I have picked out:
I have just graduated from National University of Singapore (NUS) with Sociology major and had one year of full-time working experience at international Medical Services department at a local hospital.
--> …graduated from the National University of Singapore with a degree in Sociology
--> I have worked full-time with the International Medical Serviced department for a year
I have experiences in building large, consumer-focused information seminar both in Singapore and oversea
--> I have experiences in organizing large, consumer-focused information seminar both in Singapore and abroad
While much of my experience has been in the healthcare world,
--> .. in the healthcare industry,
My responsibilities included the daily administration work, evaluation on international patients ‘profiles in order to refer them to the right specialists and correspondences with international medical assistance company on medical insurance claims as well as repatriations.
--> …included daily administrative work…
… evaluation on international patients‘ profiles in order to refer them to the right specialists, and corresponding with the international medical assistance company on medical insurance claims as well as repatriations.
Those above-mentioned experiences have taught me how to build strong relationships with all departments at an organization.
--> ...all departments within an organization.
As a student, I have been actively involved in volunteer and extra-curriculum activities:
--> … actively involved in volunteer work and extra-curriculum activities:
improve the life qualities of sex workers in Singapore
--> improve the quality of life for sex workers in Singapore
took care of the logistics for International Student Club throughout my school years
--> … logistics for the International Student Club ...
Hi Min,
ReplyDeleteYour post eventually showed on my blog.!! I guess there is technical error with the server, thus it took such a long time for it to appear.
Thank you for your consistent effort and also for letting me know about this issue through email. :)
The curriculum vitae writers mention your strongest point in your resume. They try to focus on the point that proves your ability for the job, thus making you the right choice for the position.
ReplyDelete